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Serco Legends Thread
The Legend of "Olga the Corpulent"
Well, we all know that Serco women are big - easily able to crush a typical Itani man between their thighs. But who was the biggest? Well, that would be "Olga the Corpulent." Her story begins back almost six hundred years ago...
During the energy crisis of the mid 3700's, the Serco population on Serco Prime (Sol II) was undergoing rapid growth, without a commensurate growth in energy production. One of the natural resources that the Serco Dominion had were its women, who were known for being large. In fact, most women underwent genetic manipulation to increase their girth - marriage to a heavy woman was a sign of power and wealth in Serco society.
But, during the energy crisis, these women proudly volunteered to give up their largesse, so to speak. Their excess bodily fat was suctioned out every three months, and used for a variety of energy-producing and industrial production uses! Some fat was burned in microcellular vats to provide energy, or even used in bioluminescent lighting. In lieu of fossil fuels, the fat was used as lubricants, hair gel, machine grease, and even as an emulsifier in Serco Ale.
Yes, the Serco Dominion was living large on its newfound energy source. At its height in about 3770, the bio-fat production phase of the Serco was able to provide fully 22% of the energy of Sol II on Serco body fat reserves alone. An entirely new ship was designed that could carry a Serco female from planet to planet to balance out energy needs - The Prometheus. No other ship had enough lift capacity or structural integrity to move these massive matrons from one place to another.
The most famous of these was Olga the Corpulent. Weighing in at a recorded 4253 kg, she resided on Serco Prime and was wife to a serco general. When SkyCommand, the first orbital station of the Serco, was built, it was Olga who devoted every spare adipose tissue to the project of launching the station into orbit. Thanks to her selfless donation, over 360 tonnes of biomass were extracted over 8 years of constant effort. This proved to be just enough to launch the station's parts into orbit. In fact, the dining room in SkyCommand is still named after her to this day: Olga's Kitchen. It still serves her favorite dish, as well: deep-fried possum-manatee.
Olga was the hero of the nation, and parts of her genetic material were used to supplement the far-flung reaches of the Serco Dominion. For example, she is the genetic basis for the Betheshee whale-beast, which is the diet staple that feeds a planetful of serco. Some whale-beasts can reach over 150,000 kg, and their whale oil and blubber are prized commodities. However, success would not last long for Olga.
Drained and exhausted, Olga never was the same after her effort. She still ate as much as she could to maintain her appearance, but it was plain to all who knew her that her heart was not in it. She turned to fat-enhancing drugs and selling some of her liposuctioned fat on the side to support her habits.
She and her husband had a falling out, and she was sold to a UIT merchant that specialized in food products.
Mistaking the Serco woman for an industrial food-extract beef-sac, he fitted her to one of his Arta Meat-Pie machines. He only realized his mistake after Olga had starved to death several weeks later, he found her dessicated corpse still attached to the automated machines as he came to replace the empty beef-sac with a full one. Olga's fat had been the creamy filling for thousands of Arta Meat-Pies - her unfortunate death is the only known instance of "Death by Extrusion" in UIT space.
The UIT Company was forced to recall the Meat-Pies, and to pay damages to those who had eaten them. The rest of the inventory sat on the shelves, unopened - the original owner never sold them.
However, at around the time of the start of the Serco-Itani war, an enterprising new businessman purchased the failing Meat-Pie business and rebranded the inventory as "Olga-Cakes."
You can buy them as collector's items throughout Serco space now. (With the tagline "Own a hunk of Olga!") After centuries on the shelf, they are, of course, inedible, but are well-preserved thanks to strict Arta Caelestis food-processing standards.
Olga the Corpulent lives on in the legends of the Serco Dominion...
Well, we all know that Serco women are big - easily able to crush a typical Itani man between their thighs. But who was the biggest? Well, that would be "Olga the Corpulent." Her story begins back almost six hundred years ago...
During the energy crisis of the mid 3700's, the Serco population on Serco Prime (Sol II) was undergoing rapid growth, without a commensurate growth in energy production. One of the natural resources that the Serco Dominion had were its women, who were known for being large. In fact, most women underwent genetic manipulation to increase their girth - marriage to a heavy woman was a sign of power and wealth in Serco society.
But, during the energy crisis, these women proudly volunteered to give up their largesse, so to speak. Their excess bodily fat was suctioned out every three months, and used for a variety of energy-producing and industrial production uses! Some fat was burned in microcellular vats to provide energy, or even used in bioluminescent lighting. In lieu of fossil fuels, the fat was used as lubricants, hair gel, machine grease, and even as an emulsifier in Serco Ale.
Yes, the Serco Dominion was living large on its newfound energy source. At its height in about 3770, the bio-fat production phase of the Serco was able to provide fully 22% of the energy of Sol II on Serco body fat reserves alone. An entirely new ship was designed that could carry a Serco female from planet to planet to balance out energy needs - The Prometheus. No other ship had enough lift capacity or structural integrity to move these massive matrons from one place to another.
The most famous of these was Olga the Corpulent. Weighing in at a recorded 4253 kg, she resided on Serco Prime and was wife to a serco general. When SkyCommand, the first orbital station of the Serco, was built, it was Olga who devoted every spare adipose tissue to the project of launching the station into orbit. Thanks to her selfless donation, over 360 tonnes of biomass were extracted over 8 years of constant effort. This proved to be just enough to launch the station's parts into orbit. In fact, the dining room in SkyCommand is still named after her to this day: Olga's Kitchen. It still serves her favorite dish, as well: deep-fried possum-manatee.
Olga was the hero of the nation, and parts of her genetic material were used to supplement the far-flung reaches of the Serco Dominion. For example, she is the genetic basis for the Betheshee whale-beast, which is the diet staple that feeds a planetful of serco. Some whale-beasts can reach over 150,000 kg, and their whale oil and blubber are prized commodities. However, success would not last long for Olga.
Drained and exhausted, Olga never was the same after her effort. She still ate as much as she could to maintain her appearance, but it was plain to all who knew her that her heart was not in it. She turned to fat-enhancing drugs and selling some of her liposuctioned fat on the side to support her habits.
She and her husband had a falling out, and she was sold to a UIT merchant that specialized in food products.
Mistaking the Serco woman for an industrial food-extract beef-sac, he fitted her to one of his Arta Meat-Pie machines. He only realized his mistake after Olga had starved to death several weeks later, he found her dessicated corpse still attached to the automated machines as he came to replace the empty beef-sac with a full one. Olga's fat had been the creamy filling for thousands of Arta Meat-Pies - her unfortunate death is the only known instance of "Death by Extrusion" in UIT space.
The UIT Company was forced to recall the Meat-Pies, and to pay damages to those who had eaten them. The rest of the inventory sat on the shelves, unopened - the original owner never sold them.
However, at around the time of the start of the Serco-Itani war, an enterprising new businessman purchased the failing Meat-Pie business and rebranded the inventory as "Olga-Cakes."
You can buy them as collector's items throughout Serco space now. (With the tagline "Own a hunk of Olga!") After centuries on the shelf, they are, of course, inedible, but are well-preserved thanks to strict Arta Caelestis food-processing standards.
Olga the Corpulent lives on in the legends of the Serco Dominion...
hahahahahahahahahaha!
Snif snif, I need a drink. Here's to ya Leebs
Snif snif, I need a drink. Here's to ya Leebs
I can't stop laughing! You said you'd post it, I'm so glad you did!
You mean no one ELSE has any Serco Legends to talk about?
I qualify ;)
Caveat lector, eh? =^p
I'd like to know more about how Lady Serco came to be the supreme deity.
Hrm, Lady Serco is more a topic for someone else (like ctishman), but I'm sure I can write something.
Maybe I'll write something suitably derogatory on Lecter.
Maybe I'll write something suitably derogatory on Lecter.
Don't forget Borb. Though no one ever knew what he really was. Except Cthulu perhaps.
I suppose I could write something on Borb, but his exploits are already fairly detailed on the forums. Not really much need to write more.
"Legend of Dr. Lecter" coming up soon... I may need a consult.
"Legend of Dr. Lecter" coming up soon... I may need a consult.
This should be fairly amusing: I'll check the Dr.LecterVO at Gmail account if you need anything, Leber.
Sorry, borb?
Wasn't he an itani newb?
Wasn't he an itani newb?
There is a poem on Lady Serco, by ctishman (and one last stanza by me). Let me dig it up.
Edit: Dig Dug
Thus spake Serco:
Entry 1
St. 1
The man who cries in plaintive tone,
who begs the stars his soul to save
shall find himself bereft, alone
and stumble blindly to his grave.
The man who ties his fate to earth
and picks the land with plough and spade
shall be as mortal as his crop,
his corpse within its cold arms laid.
The man who fears no living thing
who raises swords to cut the air,
who dares forsake his fields to bring
the stars home, captured in his snare
This man alone deserves to know
no star-struck madness trap his mind
not bound to earth, his crops to grow
he rules the stars and men in kind.
St. 2
Of such proud stock was our first Lord
who led us from the coward's fold,
who made us strong and act as one
And brought us glories yet untold.
Her name was Serco, strong and tall
Her mind was sharp as diamond blades
She summoned us to battle's squall
She led in war and glorious raids.
Her spear was of the strongest steel
no useless jewels marred its thrust
she called us with it to her heel
and placed in us her utmost trust.
"Bow to my warriors, whimp'ring slaves!
Tremble before my army's might!
Pledge your soul to save your lives,
or hide your corpses from my sight!
St. 3
Our ships were built of mighty ore
were polished 'til no bolt could stick
we could not know what was in store
the cowardice, the ruse, the trick.
Across the stars our armies marched
We beat the coward's cringing back
Unto Itani's triumphal arch
None could stay the conqueror's track!
But victory's tale we can not tell
Itani chose the traitor's ken
beneath the table of truce she fell
Serco, poisoned by the pen.
We took her name to keep us strong
In her memory, on we fight
we gash our ships to show the blood
she was denied that fateful night.
St. 4
And lo! when our wrath is roused
nobody can withstand it's might
and in our adversary's housing
shall rise a flood of piercing fright.
His fortress will no longer hold
our raging forces' shatt'ring blows
and piercing arrows manifold
shall reap the wretched in their throes.
It is by then She shall return
from beyond the crimson veil
and her voice alone shall burn
through steel and concrete, ev'ry seal.
For no-one is to bar our way
when Serco's sons and daughters rise
our foes shall tremble in dismay
and await their just demise.
© Ku Genin aka ctishman (verses 1 through 3) / toshiro (verse 4)
Edit: Dig Dug
Thus spake Serco:
Entry 1
St. 1
The man who cries in plaintive tone,
who begs the stars his soul to save
shall find himself bereft, alone
and stumble blindly to his grave.
The man who ties his fate to earth
and picks the land with plough and spade
shall be as mortal as his crop,
his corpse within its cold arms laid.
The man who fears no living thing
who raises swords to cut the air,
who dares forsake his fields to bring
the stars home, captured in his snare
This man alone deserves to know
no star-struck madness trap his mind
not bound to earth, his crops to grow
he rules the stars and men in kind.
St. 2
Of such proud stock was our first Lord
who led us from the coward's fold,
who made us strong and act as one
And brought us glories yet untold.
Her name was Serco, strong and tall
Her mind was sharp as diamond blades
She summoned us to battle's squall
She led in war and glorious raids.
Her spear was of the strongest steel
no useless jewels marred its thrust
she called us with it to her heel
and placed in us her utmost trust.
"Bow to my warriors, whimp'ring slaves!
Tremble before my army's might!
Pledge your soul to save your lives,
or hide your corpses from my sight!
St. 3
Our ships were built of mighty ore
were polished 'til no bolt could stick
we could not know what was in store
the cowardice, the ruse, the trick.
Across the stars our armies marched
We beat the coward's cringing back
Unto Itani's triumphal arch
None could stay the conqueror's track!
But victory's tale we can not tell
Itani chose the traitor's ken
beneath the table of truce she fell
Serco, poisoned by the pen.
We took her name to keep us strong
In her memory, on we fight
we gash our ships to show the blood
she was denied that fateful night.
St. 4
And lo! when our wrath is roused
nobody can withstand it's might
and in our adversary's housing
shall rise a flood of piercing fright.
His fortress will no longer hold
our raging forces' shatt'ring blows
and piercing arrows manifold
shall reap the wretched in their throes.
It is by then She shall return
from beyond the crimson veil
and her voice alone shall burn
through steel and concrete, ev'ry seal.
For no-one is to bar our way
when Serco's sons and daughters rise
our foes shall tremble in dismay
and await their just demise.
© Ku Genin aka ctishman (verses 1 through 3) / toshiro (verse 4)