Chapter 1: TGFT

BEEEEEEEEPPPP, BEEEEEEEEPPPP, BEEEEEEEEPPP.

His alarm screamed. The sound waking him up.
"Ugh. Classibot, off" he said in a tired and annoyed tone.
He sighed "another day hiding Serco intelligence" he thought. He was sick of working ONE and RED. He was being a traitor to the Itani Nation AND the Union of Independent Territories (UIT for short).

"BEEEEP, BEEEEP, BEEEEP" the AI screamed again. This time in short bursts, indicating there was a call.
"Ugh. Just woke up" he mumbled to himself, irritated.
He swiped his hand in the air, motion sensors detecting the movement.
"Hey Arta. Meet me in Dau L-10, I have something for ya." The Voice said.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm coming."
"Don't be late, This is urgent" The Voice replied.
He looked up "why Urgent? Regarding what?" He asked.
"TGFT." The Voice replied, showing no sign of hesitating.
His eyes widened. TGFT was the premiere trade guild of the Galaxy, how could an Innocent Guild wind up in a situation which needed him?
He sighed "yeah, Coming, See you soon Techno" he said one last time before the call ended.
"Great, more paperwork" he thought.
After realizing that it's been quite some time when he woke up, he decided to get out of bed.

Five minutes later...

He walked down the Aisle. Drinking a cup of Verasi Koffee.
"Delicious." He thought as he gulped down the Remaining drops of coffee.
"Hey Saturn. Get my ship ready." He said to his Itani Mechanic. Saturn Fivolous (Five for short).
"Roger." Saturn replied.

Ten Minutes later...

"The Airconditioner has been fixed. So is the Artificial Gravity, oh, and watch your Powercell. You could fry it." Saturn said.
He was sitting in a TPG Raptor MkII. The Second fastest ship in the Galaxy.
"Yeah sure." He replied to everything his Private Mechanic said.
"I wonder what happened..." He thought as his ship launched into the Dark Abyss of Space.

Five Hours later...

Location: Dau L-10
Time: 13:30 (GMT)

"Ahhhhh..." He said as he got out of his ship.
"Hey, Arta! Over here!" His friend. Technovis Silashab.
"Day's not over yet..." He thought. Irritated.
He got out of his ship and followed Techno to the Dau Senate Meeting room.
But he never expected to see her .

P.S this is based around the TGFT-SKV war (and my version of how it started)

We NEED to start deducting crystal for each forum posts and lots of it.

What's wrong with making your own version of how something started

@KB: You know I'm all for bashing perceived morons, but that's mostly best kept out of story threads. As somebody who has been dabbling with writing for the last few years, I can say firsthand that it's a lot like learning to draw, or learning to fight in VO. Most people are terrible when they first start, especially if they're young. You only get better through practice. And while it's possible to practice privately and only ever post things once you're good at it, that's not the optimal route to becoming good at writing. It's more helpful to post stuff and see how people react so that you have a better idea of where you're at.

To put it in other words, do you expect new players to learn how to PVP in secret and only fight other humans when they're already competent? And when a newbie first starts PVPing and kind of sucks, do you make fun of them, or do you offer them a few tips?

This thread is not an example of somebody asking to play VO for free, or trying to push a suggestion that would make things terrible, etc. Nor does it pertain to guild politics in anything but a fictitious manner. So, there's really no reason to complain about it; if you don't like his story, just don't read it. Otherwise, offer constructive criticism, or at least a softer "Meh" type complaint rather than essentially saying, "This is so terrible they should make you pay for the privilege of dirtying our venue!"


@RoboticMechanicalJeb: There isn't enough happening yet for me to comment on your storytelling (and I'm not good at that sort of advice anyway), but here is some advice about the actual writing itself.

When dialog is followed by "he said" or similar, the dialog shouldn't end in a period, nor should it end nakedly. Use a comma unless it's a question or exclamation. Furthermore, the "he" in "he said" should be lowercase, because it isn't actually starting a sentence, and it isn't a proper noun. For example:

Wrong: "I'm hungry. Let's grab a burger." He said.
Wrong: "I'm hungry. Let's grab a burger" He said.
Right: "I'm hungry. Let's grab a burger," he said.
Right: "I'm hungry. Let's grab a burger!" he said.
Right: "I'm hungry. Wanna grab a burger?" he asked.

Also, dialog that starts mid-sentence should still be capitalized (in most cases), and usually it should be preceded by a comma:

Wrong: He looked up and said "eh, you go ahead. I'm stuffed."
Right: He looked up and said, "Eh, you go ahead. I'm stuffed."

Rin, he says... "this is based around the TGFT-SKV war (and my version of how it started)" in the RP forums. No indication it's a story.

Edited to add... I'm not sure story telling is role playing

@biretak

We don't have a place for stories, they've been placed in RP for years.

The story format is a good indicator, inclusion of things like 'Chapter 1'...

As Rin implied, story writing/posting should be encouraged.

Inherently, story telling has no real correlation with RP. Story telling, if done in such a way, can be RP. Story telling can also be done in a way which would constitute it into a different category other than RP. I think any story told about events, fictitious or factual, that happened in the universe of VO would be considered RP.

kbireta, you trying to be the new TRS?

RMJ, this is pretty good for first time storytelling... beritek must be really bitter or grumpy about something. A few notes, if you want them:

Good:
- Short and sweet is as great way to get people interested in your writing, so good job with that. No one is likely to get invested in a multi-page introduction... unless you hassle them over PM to read and comment on your story :D
- Ends with a classic VO-RP cliffhanger: the mysterious pilot. I'm only so invested in the game right now, and don't know who you are, or really have any reason to care..... but dammit that cliffhanger always gets me, so I'll be keeping an eye out for the next post & to see who 'her' is :)
- Maybe I'm just tired this morning but I'd really like to try some "Verasi Koffee" !

Room for Improvement:
- Know your audience; when you're posting on a VO RP board, you probably don't need to specify what UIT stands for... you can just say "UIT" :D
- This is one of the hardest things to do, and something I had a lot of trouble with when I wrote stories here, but it makes a huge difference: try as hard as you can to rephrase/reword sentences to avoid the pronoun dominating (in this case, 'he'). Notice how a lot of the story is:

"He did this. He did that. He went there. He thought something. He said something"

I know from experience it can be really challenging to clean that up, especially once you've already put it on paper. But it goes a long way for the reader to have more varied sentence structure

- Needs more Hortan

BUT:
Apart from those two notes, it was a smooth read. A lot smoother than your non-story posts, to be honest :P Keep it up!

As I look out of the window of this station adding up last nights profits, I think about all the other traders working hard evading the misguided nationalist pirate guild SKV. I wonder how this story about the war will continue.

But, with so much profits to earn and pirates to contend with, I put the story down and go prep my ship and clean my weapons for another long night of profit and combat. Do these rich authors even realize the toil and risk the oppressed traders go through to bring their paper and pens to them? I glance across the hanger, looking at my xc, hound and rag wondering which I will need most tonight. And I dream of being able to pen a story for profit from the comfort of a station as opposed to piloting in these oppressive times.

Don't stop writtin' jim lad, bad or poor story is better than no story at all and certainly better than the noisy shit that's bin fer years on the RP forum.

Go on and progress, ye may become the next Hortan.
Lookin' forward to read more.

C'NB

PS: it would be nice to stick Hortan stories btw.

Looks like I'm gonna have to do something about "her"

If you guys are wondering who "Techno" is, it's techno12

I typed the meaning of UIT because this was originally written in Wattpad.

Chapter 2
Arta's POV

I blinked.
10 Years.
It had been 10 Years since the Last time I saw her.

"Emily?" I asked, I was unsure if she was really alive.

"Yes, It's me."

I was confused, Dumbfounded even. I was never prepared for this.

"Okay." The Marshal said, he sounded irritated. Mad even.

He motioned for all of us to sit, which we obeyed.

-3 Hours Later-

I stood up, bored, sleepy even.

Just as I was getting out, I heard a sweet familiar voice. "Arta-Calaestis Ralor, would you mind if we talk?" She said, I knew that tone, a Commanding one. the tone I always feared.

"Okay?" I replied nervously, I could feel small drops of sweat on my neck. like I was a trapped in an SKV Prison.
I shut the door, locked it and stood there. "What do you want?" I said without hesitation.

"Well..." She replied walking over to me and fixed my collar. "...we could start with how you got out of that Hog." My body was frozen, she was talking seductively. I hate Seductive tones.
"Okay, well. It all started with my ship losing Oxygen."

Flashback, October 26, 4424 1600 Galactic Standard Time.
"Fuck!" I shouted out load as I stared at my control screen, the O2 Tank was hit and hd exploded a few minutes ago.

I swerved my Hog left and right, managing to get my attacker to miss.

Due to my lack of focus, I managed to get hit Thrice, all of them piercing the cockpit cover and crippling my ejection seat.

I panicked, without my ejection seat, I was as good as dead.

My ship shook violently, I looked at my control panel, my MegaPosi and Neut II were hit, rendering them useless.

And then my worst fear was realized: Both Engines quit, I was a sitting duck.

The Gyrowheels were dead without the engines, so was the Reaction Control System.

I made a last ditch attempt at surviving. I flipped the ejection lever, the front and side of the glass disconnected, but the
top didn't.

I pulled out my Knife and cut the the remaining pieces of rubber attaching the glass to the fuselage. I quickly wore my spacesuit and pushed the glass.

Just as I got out, the ship exploded, sending me to a nearby asteroid and knocking me unconscious.
Flashback end.

I sighed, the event giving me the chills.

"Well, I have to go." I heard her say.
"See ya." I replied as she walked out the door.
Maybe tomorrow would be better.

Maybe.

Kudos for the effort, desire, and imagination. Alibis for rough edges. No points for credibility: RoboticMechanicalJeb? Never seen nor heard reports of a pilot by that name. Granted I've only been in the verse going on six months.

It's me Horn, Arta-Calaestis Ralor
Why do people forget I'm Arta in-game?

Sorry. With SKV many, many multiple alternate characters, I'm more paranoid than a doctor in Florida writing prescriptions for pain pills. :)

With SKV's what? You do know I'm a council on TGFT right? And that Ecka is really a Serco militant and even shitter than when he's playing as Ecka?

TGFT alts = the mostest. You really should know better you ass. You really do like to bend the truth to your own reality dont you? And to bring that up on someone elses RP thread, wow, you are really a loser and get my vote to be kicked from TGFT.

Yoda on TGFT council? Oh thats excellent, means he is robbing other guilds banks and paying the cash via his alt into TGFTs bank.

Fine, carry on.

Allow me to clarify: it is my belief that SKV is a guild that consists primarily of alts. Meaning, if a muster was ever called for the guilds of actual live, beating heart humans, SKV would number only four or five souls. As for you being on TGFT council, you should know our policy on members having alternate pilots. Strange though, I seem to remember you PK'ing me. If I am correct, that would put you on par with Estrian Prosis. Targeting fellow guild members under an alt is the same as EP violating his own guilds NAP with TGFT.

The OP reads like a reincarnation of FreedomBird.

Alright guys, enough.
This is a story thread NOT an argument Thread

If you want to argue make your own thread