Forums » Role Playing

WARRANTIES?

Jul 21, 2016 Future FAMY customer link
Every time I go into grey space my ship explodes. I heard another pilot bragging about all the successful trips he's had, and how many miner chicks he was getting with all the HD beams he could grab without fear from Greyshop. What am I doing wrong? He said it was because of his premium warranty, but for the life of me I can't find them in any station. Please someone help me! Where do you buy warranties!?!
Jul 21, 2016 Space Pancakes link
Fret not good sir, a Family Galactic Travel Premium warranty is what you are looking for! They are not sold in any station. You must contact your local FAMY representative in game for a personalized package. Pricing is based on a plethora of factors ranging from license levels, intended cargo, and travel destination. For group rates, and bulk packages, scheduling an office visit via our website is a service we offer our customers. Additional perks of being a warranty customer can include but are not limited to.
-Station access on FAMY keys
-Premium escort services
-Scouting information
-Miner chicks thinking yer cool
-Respect

Fly Safe, Fly FAMY

Jul 21, 2016 VOID customer link
What if you already bought a product from another group? I bought one last week, and not only am exploding more but have this sinking feeling that now everyone hates me and is out to get me. Help! What should I do?? Am I just being paranoid???
Jul 21, 2016 Space Pancakes link
You are absolutely not being paranoid. Our competitors are known cheats, and in fact have made bed fellows with groups that use plugins to announce your location for all to see. So, your observation of an increase in "accidents" is accurate and in accordance with reports we have been getting from many of our newest customers. I suggest you ditch that cut rate product, and rid yourself of any plugins that those services directed you to. You have already taken your first steps toward success, and I commend you for it!

Why eat dry saltines, washed down with body temperature water, when FAMY sells steak and rum for the same price?
-Nithandreal

Jul 22, 2016 bojansplash link
This is hilarious. We want more!
Jul 22, 2016 The undecided link
Whoa whoa wait. How are you guys even operating? My mom told me that nation space was monitored and militarily protected, and didn't a bunch of combative traders got together and claimed that they owned grey space recently? I really want to be safe. Hell I NEED to be safe. I just find some of these other group's claims to be rather unsettling. Is it true that you own no territory? How can we rely on a product with no claim to the area in which the service is covering? Am I ignorant about some game mechanics? I've been called slow in the past.
Jul 22, 2016 Space Pancakes link
A common misconception my lad, no need to to question your intelligence. You see no one "owns" any territory in this universe. True, entire nations claim to own territory, much like the military forces patrolling them claim to own the weapons on their ships. However their inability to keep me out of "their space" , and the hundreds of CU of "their weapons" I have in my holds, would suggest otherwise.

And in that regard, you are correct, FAMY makes no claim to own territory. What we claim to own, and indeed sell is peace of mind. The knowledge that no matter where you are, you are safer flying with a FAMY warranty. It's an all encompassing service.

If after reading this post, you still feel confused by our competition claiming to "Own Grey". Just keep in mind it's just a sad attempt at a sales pitch, and like most advertisement you must read between the lines. Owning Grey=Our guild is afraid or unable to operate in Nation space. An area very much covered and inspected by FAMY warranty agents.

It's a subliminal world out there folks, try and stay informed.
-Nith

Jul 22, 2016 Sheep in Wolves Clothing link
"Afraid or unable"

Shows wut you no you dum pirate. We have a 1-800 # we call for our leadership to log into our accounts when there's something we can't do. When I'm not grounded, and dad gives me his credit card so I can sub, I'm soooo vote-muting you making us look bad.

Yerr!

Jul 23, 2016 Pizzasgood link
Dear FAMY Representative,

One of my ships has a large flange-modulated turbulence enhancement module which is no longer covered by TPG's warranty due to a variety of misunderstandings which have transpired betwixt us, and I am becoming concerned about the possibility of its lubricant well becoming contaminated with charred glabrous membrane when traversing post-conversational clouds. My friend informed me that aftermarket FAMY warranties cover all sizes of turbulence enhancement modules, whether flange-modulated or otherwise, and that FAMY does not even care about the handedness of my TEM bolts. Is this true?

And what if the parts are mislabeled? I once flew a ship whose TEM was labeled as being flange-modulated at the time of ship construction, but when I went in for a tune-up later on, the mechanic found that the TEM was identifying as being cusp-modulated instead of flange-modulated as expected. The mechanic became quite irate, and I had to apply a significant number of Newtons to his cranium to resolve the interaction; in the end, the TEM never did get tuned. I no longer have that ship, having required an impromptu ablative shield and then an improvised rapid oxidation and expulsion device during a bit of miscommunication with a kind gentleman from Nyrius, but if an improper labeling can happen once, it can happen again. Can I be sure that FAMY issued warranties will not discriminate based on the modulation method of my turbulence enhancement modules, even if there is a mismatch between the self-identified modulation methodology and that which was assigned upon installation?

Best embers,

Rin Ganborro
Jul 23, 2016 Space Pancakes link
Dear Mr. Ganborro

It’s a pleasure to converse with a man who knows what he is talking about. Far too often we find that the ill-informed are among the most willing to travel into the black night.

I feel I must state right from the start that, while we at FAMY always recommend a premium warranty, an aftermarket package will always receive the same industry leading coverage provided by its direct from seller cousin. The benefits provided by the premiums would be very hard to list here in their entirety. However, to provide you with a general idea the process involves the personalized on-sight inspections that our experts can provide when they are in the same location as the recipient, coupled with the deals that can only be provided by a genuine FAMY agent.

It fills me with hope for the future of our society, witnessing all of the networking that seems to be perpetuating many of our recent inquiries and invoices via word of mouth. Your friend has just given you solid information, as many of our long time warranty customers happy with our service seem to be doing lately. At FAMY we will never fault a warrantied individual for the shortcomings and mistakes of his astronautical mechanic. Even if we encounter an avid do-it-yourselfer, they themselves being covered would blanket the services to also cover any screw ups they may have made in the hanger. In fact, many times due to the nature of work we are doing, the agent can give tips to the up and coming tinkerer to help with their craft or trade. We absolutely encourage this type of ambition and would never seek to do anything other than help facilitate it. FAMY is actually able to cover our own loses due to issues such as yours. You see, anything anyone does to a ship leaves some form of a finger print. From the DNA left behind from the ass scratching Odia shade tree, too the micro tool marks left behind from the custom forged nano-bolt cannon of the Dominion navy, everything can be traced back to its source. You would be hard pressed to find someone who’s done a fluid drain who doesn’t know what it means to frack up on a warranty repair job. If you want to see what I mean: next time you go in to repair or reload tell the first deckhand you see to make sure to get the Savet special. I don’t care if you’re in the densest hub, or backwater bumfuck, that deckhand will turn white and often vomit a little in his mouth.

I don’t know when I will see you next in person or, based on your lack of location tagging on your post, how long it will take to get a warranty agent out to you. Let me offer a free tip that may ease your mind until you can get properly covered:

A few years back when Crazy Nelson, junkyard kingpin of Helios, was still putting out his Gears&Girls periodical, there was an article that I still to this day pin on the inside of every cockpit titled “103 Foods that WILL save yer life”. The exact TEM issue you are having was actually covered. It seems that for a long time now the whole cusp/flange product war has been causing grief. However, the temporary fix for your charring concerns is actually quite strange. The answer lies in mayonnaise. The foil packets you get from fly throughs work best for ease of application, since you can tear the corner ever slightly and get a rather thin stream. On the side and bottom of your lubricant well there are two slightly different fill ports. It does not matter which one you open, just make sure to only open ONE, or oh buddy you are in for a mess. Simply fill with mayonnaise until flush with the port opening and wipe away any spillage. The oil in the Mayonnaise helps to further lubricate all of those pesky small moving parts, while the egg cooks on a protective film around the super sensitive gyro sensors all TEM models are equipped with, making charring a non issue. It give you almost 6 months of extended performance. Just make sure you use real mayonnaise, the light stuff simply doesn’t work. Also the bolts on the TEM units are just for show, the engineers were forces to put them on after legal was all down their throats about pilots freaking over a part thats glued on. Internal failures aside, I’ve never seen one break loose without drastic assistance.

Cheers,

-Nith

Jul 23, 2016 Mi5 link
If only FAMY was as active in game as they are on the forums.
Jul 23, 2016 Space Pancakes link
You have to wait in line to buy your warranty just like everyone else blaqk, impatience is not becoming. We assure that our recent increased workload will not inconvenience you too terribly. Soon enough you will be able to meet with a representative, and again relieve the impending sense of doom you seem to be suffering from lately.

Like your new guild crest.

-Nith