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The Backstory (condensed)

Jan 19, 2006 RelayeR link
For those of you too lazy or busy to read the official backstory, ctishman, a renowned writer and scholar of the Serco nation has condensed it for you here.

It is MUST reading.

The Backstory - Condensed

Earth, 2140-2238
Humans: We made people with computers for brains! W00! We'll call them guises!
Guises: Raauugghh!
Humans: Let's kill each other!
Other Humans: Okay!
Guises: Rauugghh!

Earth, 2239-2260
Humans: Hey look! A wormhole to somewhere! Let's go and kill each other there!
Other Humans: Okay!
Guises: <nothing. They're banned>
Wormhole Consortium: Okay, it's working! Hey look! A planet!
Colonials: Let's call it Terra II!

Terra II, 2261-2310
Colonials: Hi Ho, Hi Ho!
Killjoy Scientist: Wormhole's gonna go boom!
Other Scientists: You Lie!
Wormhole: Goodbye! <SFX - door slamming>

Terra II 2330-2568
Colonists #1: Oh Noes! What will we do? Let's bring back the guises!
Colonists #2: Oh Noes! What will we do? Let's try cybernetics!
Colonists #1: Cybernetics sucks, Itani!
Colonists #2: Guises suck, Serco!

Terra II 2568-2670
Akan: I'm an Itani! I hate all the Serco!
Serco & Itani Senate: What-Ever...
Akan: Aaaauugh! I'm being attacked! It must be the Serco! It can't possibly be a cynical excuse to grab for power!
Itani Senate: Whoa, Evil Serco! Kill!
Serco: Uh Oh! Better get our army working! Kill The Itani!
Guises: Raauugghh!
Itani: What did we get ourselves into? Aieee!
Armand, an Itani captain: Build a giant spaceship! Fly Away!

Space, 2675
Itani #1: See anything?
Itani #2: Nope.

Space, 2676
Itani #1: See anything?
Itani #2: Nope.
Eo, an Itani child: "Eo"

Space, 2677-2690
Itani #1: See anything?
Itani #2: Nope.
Eo: "Eo"

Space, 2701
Itani #1: See anything?
Itani #2: Yep.
Armand: Hurrrrrrk-bleh. <dies>
Eo (now 12 years old): "Did you ever consider the nature of psychoanalytic theory? I have postulated that the entirety of the extant body of work is wholly without merit. Oh yeah, and peace is good, war is bad."

Itan, 2702-2793
Itani: Check it! Our world is fly!
Eo: We suck for what we did to the Serco. Let's be monks!
Itani: Okay!
Eo: Hurrrrrrk-bleh. <dies>

Itan, 2794-3172
<The Itani Flourish>

Itan, 3173-3624
Itani: Check it! Our society is fly!
Erum the Blind: I have visions! There's still some evil in our society! Hurrrrrrk-bleh. <dies>
Itani: WTF?
Order of Akan: STFU!
Itani: We can fly ships with our minds! Let's have an airshow!

Itan, 3624-3827
Itani: Let's check in on the Serco, see what they've been up to!
Other Itani: Okay, but be quiet about it, I'm trying to meditate here!

Terra II, 2661-3827
<the entirety of Serco society writhes about in the mud for about 1800 years, under a variety of dictators. Those colonies that did not align themselves with the Serco or the Itani get pushed around, beaten up, pack up and leave.>
Serco: Well, they're gone. Let's call it Serco Prime.
Other Serco: Okay, cool.

Space, 2675-4332
UIT sets up, thrives, makes hella cash.

Serco Prime, 3827
Itani Scoutships: Hi! We're Itani! Look, we're really soró
Serco: OMG!
<Serco lock Itani up, then set them free and follow them home>
Serco: Kill the Itani!
Itani Abbot: Stop killin' my peepz!
Serco: Make us!
<Itani bring out a huge fleet>
Serco: Okay, fine. We were just going.
Itani: Let's kill all the Serco!
Itani Abbot: No! Remember Eo's teachings!
Order of Akan: No! Screw Eo!
<The Order of Akan leaves Itan, heads to Serco space, destroys the Serco fleet, breaks their three pilots out and kills over 10,000 Serco>

Serco Prime, 3830-3911
Serco: Okay. That's it. We're gonna kick some ass now.
<Serco build 44 warships, head to Itani space, bomb Eo>
Order of Akan: Ooohhh no you don't!
<Order of Akan destroys Serco fleet>
Order of Akan: See that, pacifist Itani fools! We kicked their ASS! Come with us!
Some of the Itani: Okay!

Space, 3912-4264:
<More war. The Itani build big guns on the border, the Serco a huge fleet of warships. People die, but nothing major changes.>

Space, 4265
Serco Pilots: Itani pilots, you suck!
Itani Pilots: No, Serco pilots! You Suck!
<hearty laughter from both sides of the comm>
Oernan, an Itani monk: Okay, if a fight will bring peace you've got it!
Karun, a Serco warrior: Bring it on! I'll kick your ass!
<Oernan kicks Karun's ass>
<Karun dies>
<Someone shoots Oernan>
Serco: You Cheated!
Itani: You Cheated!

Space, 4432
<war rages>